Tornadoes and their Aftermath

from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network

 In light of the numerous tornadoes that have impacted the communities in Oklahoma and other surrounding states, our friends at the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) have developed some helpful materials about this topic:

 Tornado Response

Factsheets for parents, teachers, children, and teens:
After the Tornado: Helping Young Children Heal (PDF)
>En Español [Después de Pasar por La Experiencia de Un Tornado]

Parent Guidelines for Helping Children after a Tornado (PDF)

Questions To Ask Your Children About the Tornado (PDF)

Teacher Guidelines for Helping Students after a Tornado (PDF)

Tornado Response for Kids: Right after a Tornado (PDF)

Tornado Recovery for Kids: Making Things Better (PDF)

Tornado Response for Teens: Right after a Tornado (PDF)

Tornado Recovery for Teens: Making Things Better (PDF)

Tips for Parents on Media Coverage of the Tornadoes (PDF)

Simplified Children’s Activities when no power or when it is not safe to go outside: http://nctsn.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/activities_for_children_and_adolescents.pdf

Psychological First Aid for Schools: http://www.nctsn.org/content/psychological-first-aid-schoolspfa

Traumatic Grief factsheets for parents both in English and Spanish For Parents (2004) (PDF)
>En Español [Guía informativa para los padres sobre la aflicción traumática infantil (2004)]

Other Relevant Resources

For Mental Health Professionals

Working with Firefighters and Other First Responders www.helping-heroes.org (9-hour e-learning course)

Using TF-CBT with childhood traumatic grief. http://ctg.musc.edu (6-hour e-learning course)

For Responders Who are Being Activated

Psychological First Aid Field Guide: http://www.nctsn.org/content/psychological-first-aid
PFA Online http://learn.nctsn.org (6 hour e-learning course)
· PFA Mobile (mobile app downloadable on ITunes): https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/pfa-mobile/id551079424?mt=8&ls=1)

· Secondary Traumatic Stress: A fact sheet for Child Serving Professionals http://www.nctsn.org/products/secondary-traumatic-stress-fact-sheet-child-serving-professionals%20

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Taken from the American Psychological Association, Psychology Help Center

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Making the Most of Summer Part 1 – Strategies for Parents!

Children cherish the summer time.  They wait all year for the season when they can stay home and play with their friends. For them, summer is a time of exploring, swimming pools, sports, video games, bike riding and no home work! But for parents, summer time is not always so carefree. Here are some tips to help keep summer fun while making sure your child’s brain doesn’t “turn to mush” and you don’t pull your hair out.

1. Add structure to your summer. Daily routines and scheduled activities create structure and predictability for kids. Routines can relieve some of the parent’s role in directing behavior. Children often become accustomed to the  new schedule quickly and follow it much like they would at school. Routines can include morning, bedtime, and mealtime routines, to name only a few. In addition, Regularly scheduled activities that promote the development of skills, can not only build routine into the summer, but also build self-efficacy, or the belief in ones own ability to accomplish one’s goals. Children need to see themselves get better after hard-work.  They need to learn that they can overcome struggles and learn new skills. Those who experience this often have higher self-efficacy, which is associated with lower rates of anxiety and depression, and higher rates academic performance and self-confidence.  Summer is a great time for this type of extra-curricular learning. A few examples of activities that promote mastery of skills include: art, tennis, Karate,or swimming lessons, to name only a few.

2. Use traditions to teach. Family traditions add structure, but they can also teach appropriate behavior, social skills, values and socio-emotional understanding.  For instance, children whose families eat at least one meal together daily have lower rates of juvenile delinquency,  teenage pregnancy, and drug and alcohol use. Its not just meal times though, traditions can include lots of fun and creative ways to build relationships and emotional understanding. Summer time is a great time to start new traditions. See Making the Most of Summer Part 2 for specific ideas.

3. Strive to use every conflict or meltdown as an opportunity to teach problem-solving and emotional intelligence. Parents should try to stay calm and strive to teach and reteach tools to resolve conflict. The meltdowns and fights that we all dread, often stem from a child’s inability to solve problems in effective ways. They simply don’t have the tools yet. So, be attuned to their small successes, the ones you may currently take for granted. Praise and reward their attempts to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. Interacting with other children and our siblings are how we all learned to get along and interact with others as adults. So, actively shape these opportunities to maximize your child’s learning. For many families, it helps to schedule a “Family Meeting” time to openly and democratically collaborate on problems and identify possible solutions. If you try this, remember to seek out the children’s input and help them come to effective solutions to whatever problem arise. It is not a time for lectures. Help the kids to develop empathy and understanding of emotions in other family members by discussing how their actions affect one another. Help them to label and talk about feelings in themselves and in others. Studies show that emotional intelligence is often more crucial for success in life than IQ.

4. Use discipline effectively. In a nut shell, there are two broad categories of parenting tools to train children to use appropriate behaviors. First, there are strategies that reinforce desired behaviors and second, there are strategies that punish or extinguish undesirable behaviors. I’ll say a few words about each. Lets start with reinforcement, which can include any feedback, or parental response, that increases a behavior. In this toolbox we have praise, attention, and tangible rewards (like stickers, or other prized objects). Studies on parenting and learning theory tell us that in children, behaviors that get rewarded happen more often, whether they are good or bad behaviors. So, in short, use your reinforcement tools, praise, attention, and tangible rewards, to make certain that good behaviors are getting reinforced and bad ones are not. Use these tools strategically, such as by noticing and commenting on the behaviors your child is working on. For example, if your 8-year-old child struggles with playing to roughly with his 2-year-old brother, saying things like, “wow, John, I just saw you playing very nicely with with your brother, I like it when you’re gentle with him.” These simple statements offer praise and positive attention that serve as feedback, teaching your child how to play and interact with others.

Now for consequences, which is everyone’s favorite tool, but is probably less effective than reinforcement. Consequences are parental responses designed to teach through punishment, or the application of aversive tactics to prevent the recurrence of a behavior. To make the most of consequences, administer them consistently and matter-of-factly, with minimal emotion involved. Choose consequences that are easy to implement and  developmentally appropriate for the child. Ignoring is another tool in the same category, which may be harder one to use, but without doubt is an effective tool when applied. Ignoring certain behaviors works by withdrawing all attention for a behavior. It is especially useful for behaviors that are intended to seek attention, such as making irritating noises or stomping to the bedroom when in trouble. All in all, the idea is basically that if the behavior is intended to get attention and it doesn’t work, then they’ll stop or try something else. Just be sure to give attention to the appropriate behavior when it occurs.

5. Think proactively rather than reactively. As parents it often seems like we are constantly putting out fire after fire when it comes to directing our children’s behavior. The core message in this article, however, is to be prepared. The most effective tool is prevention. Use the above strategies: applying structure, engaging in routine activities, teaching skills, and using praise, attention and rewards to increase desired behavior,  as each of these tools will prevent problems, often by teaching skills. When all else fails, use effective consequences, but as the old Boy Scout motto states, Be Prepared! Many misbehavior can be prevented by simply anticipating situations where kids are likely to have problems, such as when shopping at Wal-mart. See my previous article  ”Managing Children Behavior in Public,” for specific strategies to help manage behaviors outside the home.

With these tools and a little luck, I hope you have a great summer! Remember, think proactively not reactively!!

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Cultivating Positive Relationships

 Oftentimes as parents, we accept the notion that siblings can not and will not get along. While some sibling conflict is normal, there are also things parents can do to set a positive tone in the home. Consistent, intentional efforts to cultivate a positive relationship will help children learn to appreciate their siblings and think of each other in a more positive way. The following are a few suggestions to begin creating a positive tone so that your children will not only tolerate each other, but enjoy each other:

Sibling Day/Night: Get balloons, “celebrate siblings”, have each pick out a special food item or favorite movie he or she knows the other will like and enjoy (with your guidance). Allow them to spend time together with the focus being celebrating each other. Base the time frame & planned activities on your knowledge of what causes sibling conflict (and avoid this).

Encouragement Box: Help your child make a box to receive encouraging messages from their sibling. Monitor & assist as they each daily or weekly write encouraging messages. Even if it is challenging, it will help them begin to think in a more positive direction toward their siblings. Younger children will have more difficulty as their abstract thinking and cause & effect thinking may not be developed yet. Messages may be simple. The value is in the process.

Teamwork Task: Allow your children to work together for a successful outcome. Example: Have a pizza night, in which you allow your children to make a pizza together. Compliment their teamwork & the outcome.

Mealtime Messages: Laminate your child’s favorite pictures (with their sibling) on cardstock, scrapbook paper or mats & allow your children to write messages of love and appreciation to be read at mealtimes.

Family Question Game: Introduce the question game with a list of creative questions to be asked at mealtime. Allow each child to answer the question and ensure that all family members are listening to that child’s thoughts. Dinnertime questions can be found online and in a game form online. This will teach your child to practice listening to his/her sibling.

Special Gifts or Thoughts: Occasionally ask one child to do something special for the other. Make a coupon book for each child to use for the other. Example: “20 minutes of playing your favorite game outside”.

Sometimes parents get sucked in to the conflict and end up very frustrated as they try to work out differences. Mediation can be the sole strategy of a parents’ involvement with the sibling conflict issue. A broader view is to look for opportunities to recognize the positive and build on it.

Siblings provide an opportunity for our children to learn to problem-solve, deal with conflict, and also interact with others who think differently. If your children don’t get along, it is never too late to work on setting a more positive tone, however, it will require repetition and patience from you as a parent. These suggestions will not yield perfect outcomes, but don’t give up! Your children CAN learn to value each other and in turn have special friendships for years to come.

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During each group session teens are taught important social skills and are given the opportunity to practice these skills in through role-play, activities and games. In their simultaneous group, parents are taught how to assist their teens in making and keeping friends by providing feedback, coaching, weekly homework assignments designed to build their skills and network of potential friends. Parents also report benefiting from the support and resources provided by other parents in the group.
Enrollment is limited as we begin each group with 11 students. Groups are on Tuesday evenings at Arkansas Families First, and run from 5:30 to 7 pm. Regular attendance and parent participation are required.

The cost of the group is $40 for the students and $15 for parents per group session. The total cost is $55, although most insurances cover the $40 cost of the students’ group.
Topics of Instruction:

How to use appropriate conversational skills
How to find common interests by trading information
How to appropriately use humor
How to enter and exit conversations between peers
How to handle rejection, teasing, and bullying
How to handle rumors and gossip
How to be a good host during get-togethers
How to make phone calls to friends
How to choose appropriate friends
How to be a good sport
How to handle arguments and disagreements
How to change a bad reputation

To read more about the program, refer to the UCLA Semel Institute website, where the program was developed and is still running. If you’d like to sign up for the group or to speak with the facilitators, contact Dr. Adam Benton at abenton@arfamiliesfirst.com or  501-812-4268. Click here for a PEERS Program Flyer.

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Groups are held on Thursday evenings from 5 to 6 pm. Regular attendance and parent involvement is required. Parents attend a concurrent group and will learn how to help their children make and keep friends by using the skills we teach in our program. Parents also love the support and resources they receive from other parents in the group.

The cost of the program is $15 for the parents group and $40 for the students group weekly. The cost of the students’ group is often covered by insurance.

Your child will learn:

• Conversational skills
• How to make a good first impression
• How to “play detective” to find common interests
• How to join a group of kids at play
• How to handle rejection, teasing and bullying
• How to be a good host on a play date
• How to be a good winner
• How to be a good sport
• How to show respect to adult supervisors

To read more about the group, see the UCLA Semel Institute website.   If you’d like to sign up for the group or to speak with the facilitators, contact Dr. Adam Benton at abenton@arfamiliesfirst.com or 501-812-4268.  Click here for the Friendship Program Flyer.

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1. HealthCare.gov http://www.healthcare.gov/index.html
2. Arkansas Payment Improvement Initiative: http://www.paymentinitiative.org/Pages/default.aspx

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