Is Your Cell Phone Coming Between

You and Your Children?

by Adam Benton, Ph.D. and Mary Ekdahl, Ph.D.,

Licensed Psychologists at Arkansas Families First, LLC.

Children, smartphones, and social media have made the news again, but not in the way you might think! This time it is not about the risk of online predators, too much screen time, or child exposure to adult material on the internet. This time it is about the impact on children when parents are, shall we say “distracted,” by social media, email, and smartphones. We’ve all seen it, and most of us have found ourselves doing it. You know, the family sitting around the table eating while mom or dad repeatedly checks their phone, responding to email or texts. It is a temptation that is difficult for many of us to manage, and the issue is complex. It is not so all-or-none as to think parents should just never use smartphones around their kids, or that parents should be able to have unbridled use of technology because we are the ones in charge. The truth is; there are times when technology is great, even necessary, and there are times when it should be reined-in. In all cases, however, parents should monitor the impact of their technology use on their children, just as they monitor their child’s use of technology. Below are some guidelines for parents to self-assess their use of technology when with their children.

Does your smartphone or media use reduce dialog with your children? Kids need communication. Developmentally, they need to hear language. They need to hear parents discussing and working out problems. They need parents to teach new skills, relay information and in other ways show a genuine interest in the child and the child’s interests. Studies show that children exposed to more frequent parental communication have better language acquisition and academic performance. Language exposure directly impacts cognitive development, even as measured by IQ tests.

Does your smartphone or media use cause you to miss what your children are doing? Do your children act up or misbehave while you text, search or read on your phone? It could be coincidence, but children look for their parents verbal and non-verbal communication to help guide their behavior. They check-in with parents by making eye-contact or listening to parent comments on whether certain behaviors are acceptable or safe. Without parental attention, child behavior often goes unguided or unchecked until escalating to problematic levels. Parental attention and guidance are our tools for helping children learn how to act in various contexts. It helps them learn how to regulate their behavior. Parent attention is also something our children innately need. It facilitates attachment and fosters bonds of support and safety between a parent and child. If positive behaviors do not get regular attention, children often resort to less appropriate means of getting their parents’ attention.

Do you routinely have uninterrupted meal times with your children? Family dinners are not just a cliche. Studies show a strong correlation: children who regularly share mealtimes with their parents are less likely to engage in risk-taking behaviors. The more often children share meals with their parents, the less likely they are to abuse drugs and alcohol or get pregnant as teenagers, and the more likely they are to earn better grades in school. If technology is detracting from meal times, it may be undermining very real opportunities to connect with your children, teach important family values, and prevent unnecessary risk-taking.

Would you want your children to use technology the way you do? Parents have the responsibility to teach and model self-control. This holds true whether it is in regard to making time for healthy habits like exercise, how to express and manage frustration, or how to use technology. Modern technology can engulf children, and adults for that matter, with information, communication, and opportunities. It can be enormously helpful, but we all require a break. Children need to learn by seeing their parents model how to set technology aside and be present in the moment. How to connect in real-time with the individuals they love. They, like adults, need to give their eyes a break sometimes, but most of all, they need to learn how to use technology in moderation, with self-control. We as parents have the responsibility to model and teach that.

The art of parenting is finding the right balance in all aspects of life. Ask yourself these questions and strive to monitor the influence that technology has on your parenting and family life. Talk with other parents about how they are managing the influence that technology has on their family’s life. If you feel stuck or are having trouble finding a balance that works for your family, ask a professional for more advice. For more information on monitoring children’s use of social media, read Social Media, Internet, and Youth: Tips for Parents . For parenting tips on children’s behavior in public, check out Managing Children’s Behavior in Public: 5 Strategies that work!