Invaluable Tips for Helping Children with School-related Anxiety During the COVID Pandemic

 As we approach another school year and COVID numbers are on the rise again, we are here to offer some advice. 

Child Back to School Anxiety & COVID-19

Kids & Anxiety

Sometimes children can express anxiety and sometimes they cannot. It is important to understand how to react in both circumstances.

Discussing mental health around COVID is important, even if your child has not expressed anxiety. Even if you do not think your child is experiencing anxiety, they could be dealing with it internally without telling anyone. They may feel like something is wrong with them because they are worried about going back to school, so they just don’t want to tell anyone they are having these feelings. Your child may not understand what they are feeling or realize that it is anxiety, so they may say that they feel sick, have a stomachache, or express their anxiety in some other way. Teenagers may complain of headaches, chest pains, and sore shoulder muscles. As the parent, you may need to bring up the topic of anxiety and help the child work through feelings they may not understand yet.

On the other side of the coin, sometimes your child does express some anxiety to you.  When a child comes to you and says they feel worried or scared, it means they do not know what to do to feel better, and typically, that means they trust you enough to tell you. So, if your child comes to you and says they are worried about going back to school let them know you hear them and want to help. Use that time to validate what they are feeling, and then, help them do something about that feeling. Normalizing the feelings they are having shows support and may encourage them to come to you with their worries more often. You can also use this time to talk to them about the ways their school is working to keep them safe during the pandemic. Reassure them that the schools are following public health guidelines.

If you have never talked about anxiety before with your child, this is your chance! It can feel like this big monster of a conversation, but it does not have to be! If your child has never heard about what anxiety is or how it can make them feel, they have no way of knowing how to help themselves. One fear I have heard is that talking about anxiety will make your child more anxious. However, talking about it can relieve anxiety because you are working towards a solution. If this is a daunting task for you because you do not fully understand it yourself, this could be a moment for you and your child to learn together. Ask if they want to learn about anxiety with you and then google “what is anxiety and what are the symptoms” or “why do I feel worried about COVID?” Working together to ask and answer questions can help them feel connected to you and stay calm.

So, remember:

  • LISTEN to them
  • VALIDATE how they are feeling
  • TALK to them about anxiety and its symptoms
  • REASSURE them that their school is taking precautions
  • HELP them find ways to lessen the anxiety

Parents & Anxiety

Now let’s talk about your anxiety mom and dad…

Let’s make this clear, first thing, you are not any less of a parent for having anxiety or for being worried about what the school year will bring. It might feel overwhelming and scary to be an adult in this situation because your child is looking to you for safety, but nothing feels safe. If you are feeling this way, communicate these feelings to your partner or close friends and loved ones. You may be surprised to find out they are also experiencing anxiety. Communicate how they can support you and what you need from them. If you do not have a support system available (even if you do), it might be helpful to find a counselor https://arfamiliesfirst.com/services/counseling/  who can provide support and help you work through what you are feeling.

While it may seem like you are the parent and cannot show any worry, that is not the case. As the parent, letting your child know you also have anxiety about COVID can show them that anxiety is normal. However, it is also important to model correct ways to handle anxiety, or your child will pick up on unhealthy ways to handle it. So, find what helps you feel better. Notice what circumstances make you particularly anxious and set up boundaries around them if you can. For example, if social media or the news makes you feel anxious and start thinking of the worst-case scenarios, limit your time on social media or watching the news. While it is important to stay up to date with information, you do not need to be looking at it 24/7.

Being a parent is hard work, so it is difficult to find time to do things you enjoy. However, doing things we enjoy can lessen our anxiety, so try to find small bits of enjoyment in the day. This could be your morning coffee or listening to your favorite music in the car.

Like I advised for your children, learn how their school is taking precautions and make sure your child knows the importance of wearing a mask and washing their hands. However, going back to school in-person may not be the right thing for some families. If virtual learning is an option for your child, discuss this option as a family. If you have family members around you who are at risk and this is causing some anxiety for you, virtual school is an option to discuss.

In addition, control what you can in the situation. You may not be able to control COVID or what the schools are doing, but you can make sure your child has the tools to stay safe. Continue reading as I talk about resources you can use to teach them how to properly wash their hands and put on their mask. Educate them about the vaccine and the facts about COVID (link to a fact sheet about the vaccine at the bottom).

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Tips for Reducing Anxiety

One of the most important things you can do is to simply talk about stress, worry, and anxiety. After you have created a space for your child to feel safe, you can start to explore ways to reduce their anxiety. To discuss their physical symptoms of anxiety, you can use their toys or dolls and ask them to point to where they feel discomfort or worry. This allows you to note their typical symptoms, so you can be aware of them in the future.

Here are some at home practices to help reduce anxiety entering the new school year:

Before school: You can start to create a routine for them. This can help your child, especially young ones, feel some security and certainty in a time of uncertainty. Your child may experience some separation anxiety because they have been with you for so long, so a routine can help with that as well. For example, make sure kids know how they will get to school, how they will get home, who will be at home when they get there, and even set a regular routine for saying goodbye in the mornings. Along that same vein, you can also begin to practice what it will be like to go to school. This can include showing them how to wear their mask correctly and washing their hands (links to videos at the bottom). It can also include talking about homework and practicing eating out of their lunchbox if they have never done that before. In addition, when talking about school, ask them to name some positive aspects of school. If they cannot think of any, mention some that you can think of – like they may see some friends or learn about topics they like.

At school: At school, children will not have you to offer support if they are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, so help them create coping skills for when they do feel those things. This could include deep breathing exercises (some example videos are listed at the bottom) or helping them create phrases they can tell themself when they are feeling anxious. It can also be helpful to let their teacher know of any struggles they are having so the teacher can be aware and help. If they are also experiencing separation anxiety, it may be beneficial for them to bring a small token of home with them to school. Just something that can fit in their pocket or backpack that they are able to squeeze, look at, or hold when they feel worried or sad.

At home: Be intentional when they get home from school and address the concerns they have brought up before. For example, instead of asking, “How was your day,” you can ask, “Did you notice any anxiety today? How did you deal with it?” Based on what I have seen (and even did as a child and teenager), asking a vague question will get you a vague answer. Look for signs that their anxiety is getting worse (this could include not eating a lot, not sleeping well, or being unable to attend school because of fear but you know your child better than me). If they are having intense anxiety about school and nothing is helping, they may benefit from seeing a counselor who is trained to help your child cope with anxiety.

Imperfection Is A-OK – You’re Still Doing Great!

ENCOURAGEMENT TIME – Parents, you are doing amazing!! If you are reading this, then that means you care and want to help your child. That is literally one of the best things you can do for them. Keep up the amazing work! If you need a little extra support and guidance navigating the potentially turbulent back to school season, the Arkansas Families First team is happy to help. Reach out https://arfamiliesfirst.com/contact-us/ to learn more or schedule a consultation. 

Some Other Great Resources to Check Out:

Articles about Anxiety and COVID:

Fact sheets:

Videos:

Activities:

About the Author

Lexi Toles is a Community Counseling Student from the University of Central Arkansas. Ms. Toles is was a trainee at Arkansas Families First during the Summer and Fall of 2021.