While the number of domestic and international adoptions are decreasing, there is an increasing focus on the number of children waiting for families within the foster care system. There are currently 428,000 children in foster care in the United States. According to Project Zero, an Arkansas non-profit that promotes adoption from the foster care system, there are 4,846 children currently in foster care and 349 children in foster care in Arkansas waiting to be adopted. If you’re interested in adoption, beginning as a foster parent may be a good option.

The adoption process starts when you research agents of adoption, which is usually an adoption agency or an adoption attorney. Look for an agency or attorney that is licensed and accredited. When choosing an avenue of adoption, you also want to find an agency that provides thorough and on-going training and support. You will go to informational meetings and hopefully training to help prepare for you for the adoptive process.  Families then go through the home study process which involves several visits by an adoption professional.  Once a family is approved you will wait to be matched with a child. In domestic adoption, birthparents usually choose or have some say in the family they place their children with. A case worker will assist with this process if you work with the state for adoption. Once matched, the adoption process will be finalized by the courts.

The first thing I would tell a family interested in adoption is that adoption is about finding a family for children instead of finding children for families. This small but important shift in perspective helps to shape the expectations we have of our children and ourselves. Adoptive parents should challenge themselves to recognize and examine their expectations as they help their children to process their expectations. 

The second thing I would want families to know is that adoption is born out of loss. Some people have the belief that adoption is, like Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, but  the road to adoption starts before a child and adoptive family are paired. There is the loss of a family, a parent for the child and a child for birthparents. The impact of that loss and the desire to make meaning of this event is not an affront to adoptive parents. Allow your child to question and to grieve that loss. Do not be afraid to address the feelings and trauma that may be present in their life story. Seek professional help as the need may arise.

The third things families need to know about adoption would be that a parent bonds and a child attaches. Attachment is a process. It is forged in the good moments and even more through the challenging ones. Don’t be afraid to reach out for parenting strategies and support. You do not have to do this alone. 

The last thing I would emphasize is that it is important to be mindful of how you frame your family’s adoption story. Birthparents are parents, and they will forever be a part of a child’s core narrative. The birthparents I know are amazing parents who love and want what is best for their children. That love does not stop because they chose to create an adoption plan for their child. We all have a story filled with positive chapters and painful ones. Birth parents come to adoption hoping that someone will do what we cannot imagine doing ourselves – create a plan for their child that may not include them. Adoptive parents can be honest about this and hold space for their child’s birthparents. Allow a child to explore and express their thoughts and feelings about their adoption. We never want a child to ask, “If my parents do not accept my birthparents, do they accept me?” 

Adoption is important because it provides permanence and security for a child within the context of a loving family. Adoption provides strands of protection that offset the risk and adverse childhood experiences that children face today. If you are an adoptive parent or are considering adoption, thank you. We celebrate you this November during Adoption Awareness Month and all year long. If you need support through the process for yourself, your adoptive child, or other family members, don’t forget the Arkansas Families First team is here for you. Reach out if you’re interested in learning more. 

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Janelle von Storch, LPC, obtained her Master’s of Arts in Counseling from Dallas Theological Seminary. She works with families impacted by a wide range of struggles at Arkansas Families First, LLC. Click here to see her full bio.