Helping Your Child Overcome Teasing and Bullying
If your child is unfortunate enough to face chronic teasing or bullying there are some strategies taught by various programs to help them cope. The strategies below were taken from a program that we offer at Arkansas Families First, LLC called the PEERS Program.
Dealing with Verbal Teasing
- Act unbothered. The point of teasing is usually for humor, to be mean, or to feel dominant. If the victim acts unbothered by the teasing, then it was generally not successful for the bully. On the other-hand, if the victim “flips out,” makes an embarrassing rebuttal, cries, or otherwise causes fireworks, well, then it worked and is more likely to happen again in the future.
- Tease-the-Tease: This is a more delicate strategy, but the gist of it is to make the tease sound lame. This can be done by making a statement about the tease, like “wow, was that intended to be funny” or “tell me when I’m supposed to laugh.” If they are successful in making the tease sound lame, then the bully will lay off the teasing in order to save face. This is one that requires practice at home. It often helps to have a list of tease-the-tease statements memorized, so it can be done with minimal effort.
- Use body language that shows you don’t care. The body language should match the above strategies as well. This requires practice giving an “I dont care” message, even if they really do care. Non-verbals such as rolling their eyes, shrugging their shoulders or giving a sarcastic smirk, are often effective.
- Walk away. Gradually and in an uneventful way, a victim should exit the situation, so as to prevent any further incidents. Again, this is one that requires role plays, since running away or abruptly walking off would show the child was certainly impacted by the teasing.
Dealing with Physical Bullying
- Lay Low. If a child is being physically bullied, they need to lay low. This means not bringing attention to themselves by attempting to be funny or the center of attention. You may have to explain that bringing attention to yourself is like making yourself bait or putting a target on your back. They need to let someone else wear the target for a while.
- Avoid the Bully. Stay away from the bully, his friends and his typical areas. This would include not playing with or associating with the bully at recess, in PE, or in the cafeteria. Simply, just avoid him like the plague. If he’s in their class, then they should ask the teacher to allow them to sit as far away from the bully as possible, without drawing attention to the situation.
- Do Not Provoke the Bully. I’ve worked with several kids who feel the need to confront or challenge their bully. Sometimes they are attempting to make him or her stop picking on them, and at other times the victim misinterprets the laughter of bystandards as laughing with them, when in-fact, they are laughing at them. Generally speaking, the bully has the power, both socially and physically, confronting or provoking the bully is not likely to end well.
- Stay with a group. This is often the best approach, but unfortunately, many children who are bullied don’t have “a group” to stay with. If your child is bullied, they may need help finding a social group, club, or team that they fit in with. Bullies rarely pick on entire groups of kids.
- If in danger, get help. Just like with teasing, children and teens need to know when and how to get help, especially if they are in physical danger.
For more tips and opportunities for your child to learn and practice new social skills, see The PEERS Program.
Strategies Taken From: Laugeson, E. A. & Frankel, F. (2010). Social Skills for Teenagers With Developmental and Autism Spectrum Disorders (The PEERS Treatment Manual). Routledge, Taylor & Frances Group, New York, NY
These tips are often helpful to overcome or minimize bullying, however, if you see that your child is exhibiting concerning signs of anxiety or depression, such as school refusal, social withdrawal, change of appetite, mood, or sleep problems, then seek professional help.
Dr. Adam Benton