Putting pressure on kids in sports is a slippery slope. In this Olympic season, it is very easy to watch and think about how much pressure is on those young men and women. Some of them seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that the entire Western hemisphere is watching their every move on high definition 56″ big screens. But, in reality, each and every one of them has their own unique story from birth, just as we all have. Most of their lives have been shaped for this one moment in time and the thought of blowing it has to be quite a burden to carry throughout their day to day lives. Some had enormous pressure applied to them, some brought it on themselves, and others incredibly seem to not feel the heat for whatever reason, but I expect this last category is a percentage that is as miniscule as that balance beam that those eighty pound girls do somersaults on.
There is a local community that year after year produces a top notch batch of baseball players and I have often wondered how they continue to do it. They seem to never fail and there has to be a reason for such consistent success. The coaches are often the dads of some of the better players which would rule out some sort of patriarch guru type mentor that prepares them like no other, and this particular community certainly doesn’t produce better athletes in general than any other average city within our state’s borders. So what is the secret of their success and how in the world do they do it every single year? I asked that simple question to some of the insiders and received a very simple answer: “They are over coached.” Beginning at the approximate age of 6, this community practices 5 nights a week for close to 3 hours a night. Yes, you read that right. This type of schedule proceeds on throughout their entire childhood and on in to adolescence which is a clear indication that this town views this sport as more of a religion, then a game to be played for fun and recreation. Please don’t misunderstand me, I believe that excelling through practice and repetition is a life lesson that carries on with a person well into their adult life, but there has to be a flip side to such an extreme lifestyle and schedule. Naturally, this type of preparation and vigor is going to produce the occasional mega-superstar that goes all the way to the top, and it also should produce several other lesser careers that might even pay for a top notch education, but what about the kids that might have hit those levels anyway, yet intentionally stopped short due to burnout and developed an overall rebellious attitude that has other obvious negative effects and consequences?
Conversely, I also hear sentiments against these pressures with statements such as “None of these kids (including mine) are going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, so what’s the point?” While I agree with these parents notions that it shouldn’t be life or death, I don’t feel like this is the right argument to present for a more relaxed environment either. If a child wants to have a dream, then he should have absolutely no hindrances to think about or go after that dream. The only stipulation is that it 100% has to be HIS dream and not yours. If a child wants to practice the piano for 4 hours straight, he should be allowed and encouraged to do so, and if the child’s interest is fading fast, pushing him to work on those scales for the 57th time will not only hurt your relationship a little, it will also hurt your child’s independence and his overall feeling of freedom to choose whatever activity that he really wants to attack. Several times, I have intentionally verbalized to my oldest that there is only one time I will ever be disappointed with him in his performance in any type of game or activity, and that is if doesn’t give it his all as if he doesn’t care. My love for you has nothing to do with how you do out there or if mistakes are made. Just try as hard as you can and win or lose, everything will be just fine.
So, in conclusion, try and present several extra-curricular activities (without overdoing it, of course!) to him, sit back and track not only his progress, but his interest level when he is away from it. Talk about the activities and encourage him to pick the ones that truly bring him joy. If he really does love it, there is no such thing as too much practice. Then proceed to enjoy every minute of watching him do something that he actually loves, which far outweighs watching him do something that he just tolerates.
