ADHD, OCD, ODD, Sensory Issues, Anxiety, Autism Spectrum Disorders…whatever diagnosis  it’s called in your child’s case, all you really know is that it’s painful.  Painful, upsetting, guilt-ridden, and exhausting.  Even the simplest of routines become difficult with your child.   The most menial tasks become unmanageable. Many times, it feels like no one understands.  Unsolicited suggestions are plentiful, unsolicited listeners are few.  As if you don’t question yourself enough, when mentioned, you get, “Well, have you tried this?”  “You should try that…”

It’s easy to escalate your child’s emotions.  Simple routines are exhausting:  picking up belongings, getting ready, just getting out of the door.  Does it really have to be this tough?  It’s walking on eggshells, tiptoeing around feelings, trying to temper the many sensitivities, constantly strategizing to prevent the next meltdown, denying your own frustration just to make it.  Oscar-worthy acting skills…that is what you really need.  Unimaginable patience…and often, you just cannot muster up enough.

What causes this anyway?  What did you do to cause this?  You didn’t co-sleep or you did, your pregnancy was happy or it wasn’t, your parenting expectations were appropriate or they were not.  It’s a constant dilemma- parenting this child.  The “what if’s?” and “why’s” exceedingly outnumber the feelings of reassurance that you are actually doing something right.

The future?…a dreaded topic.  You picture the very worst!  How can he/she possibly function like this?  How will he make it? Will you be able to continue to find and provide the proper resources?

And most of all, what is REALLY out of his/her control anyway?  What do you make allowances for?  You have to discipline and intervene…otherwise, he rules your house.  And it seems he does anyway.  How can you challenge and not send him over the edge?  All you really want is for him to be a good and decent person.  You have let go of the grandiose parenting dreams…you just want him/her to be OKAY.

So much guilt so much of the time.  You just want to get away from him.  You need relief.  He is your child.  Your love for him is immeasurable, but you really do not enjoy being around him?  You really just want to get away from him?  Yes, it’s true.  A terrible feeling…you love him more than life and often can’t handle being with him all wrapped up into one complex equation in this parenting challenge you are facing.  How can these two so powerfully co-exist?  And the siblings?  Guilt for a whole other reason…they feel the tremendous stress as well.  And you can’t rescue them either.  They are stuck in it, too.  These are the honesties.  Sometimes it helps to simply admit and accept them.  This is hard.  You are not making it up.

Suggestions to manage these honesties:

• Relax!
• More than likely you ARE doing some great things to help your child.  Continue those things and be proud of yourself.  List them as a reminder.
• Silence the constant questions, haunting regrets, and “if only’s”.  
• Think about today.  How can you manage today?  How can you peacefully parent today?  What DO you have control over today?  Your thoughts, your self-care, etc.
• Reassure your child.  You are in this struggle together, and you will make it through it!  
• Stick with your consistent behavior plan. 
• Take a small parenting time-out when possible (and sometimes when necessary for everyone’s well-being).  
• Continue the proper therapies.  
• List your child’s progresses; it’s easy to focus on the present and forget how far he/she has progressed.
• Take a break from reading and trying to figure this out.  
• Find your own outlet for frustration
• Know that people are ever-changing.  Life and people are not static.  There is Hope.  
• Continue advocating for your child when necessary.  Organize test results, evaluations, recommendations in a notebook as a reference when needed.
• Find a supportive group/ individuals who understand or are willing to listen  
• Feel your emotions.  Be sad, even though yes, you are right, many people have it worse.  
• Be calm when possible and vent privately before your own meltdown.  
• Find an interest to enjoy with your child (follow your child’s cues on this).  Focus on enjoyment and not correction during this time.
• Think about TODAY.  Take a deep breath.  You can do this and you are not alone…you CAN manage today.  

Found this artilce helpful? Find more artilce and learn more about Paula Morse, LPC on our site at arfamiliesfirst.com/paula-morse-lpc/