As a father of both a boy and a girl, I am cognisant to the fact that I must do my best to not show favoritism, which means spending equal time and having equal interest in the activities of both kids. Then why is it so hard? I am a man, therefore by definition, I am somewhat immature, so the interests of a soon to be 6 year old boy line up nicely with that of a 41 year old man. Sports, toys, video games and basically anything done in a competitive manner are all on my short list of things that I can get behind. But what about those 4 year old girl activities? I love my daughter to no end but I can honestly say that I have to put forth some extra effort to get deeply involved in playing house, coloring or dressing up. The biggest advantage of spending quality time with her is that I generally don’t have to go ice down my knees afterwards or spend a night at the emergency room in traction. Given the choice between playing catch and playing Strawberry Shortcake pool party, I would take baseball 100 times out of 100, but the consequences of an entire childhood of these choices are to dire to risk. I have often said that as a father, I have only one goal, and that is to make sure that my kids grow up without any ‘father issues.’ I have heard countless stories from both men and women regarding their childhood and more specifically their fathers, in which the actions of the dad greatly influenced their own negative traits. Obviously some traits are more detrimental than others but it was clear that the footprint of the fatherly figure stays with them until the day that they die.
So what is a father to do? In order for my daughter to continue to think that I am the greatest thing since peanut butter, I must use my time wisely. I work for a living so my hours with them throughout the week are minimal, and generally from the moment I hit the door, I am getting two very stringent requests to do two very different things. Several times I found myself playing catch with one hand, while pushing her on the swings with the other (although I don’t recommend this as a wayward throw could find its way directly in the pat of her grill.) I have found that it is a much better idea to spend some time with each of them individually rather than lumping it together, unless of course they had been engaged in an activity that day that both of them were involved in and happy with. These are the easy days in which you can slide right in and get involved in what they have been working on and not miss a beat. But on the other 99% of the evenings, you must make a choice which direction to go in which now you must get by the whole ‘who’s first’ meltdown that is almost guaranteed to occur. I only have two kids and I literally can’t imagine what a father of 3 or more little ones is faced with when they hit the door. I mentally picture it being something like a herd of baby kittens scratching and clawing at the mama trying to get their quota of the motherly milk. Like anything else in life, fair is fair, and you must take turns on who gets first crack at dear old Dad and once you decide on any given night, then you must explain to the losing party what the concept of ‘fair’ means again, because seemingly over a 24 hour period, that part of their hard drive has been completely wiped clean.
It will be really interesting to see how her activities play out as she gets older. She could go in several different directions which might either help my cause or make it worse. They both could continue on their exact same path they currently are following, or they could even flip flop and head down each others road. Whatever they decide, the full support from the father is the important thing and if that means I have to leave that championship game at halftime in order to see some of her dance recital, then that is the way it will have to be. But, man, will that be tough! Hang in there Dads and be prepared to spend a little time with the likes of Barbie and Cinderella in order to be rewarded many times over.
Gerald New
